hurting silently

.. there are so many things that bothers you but you cant tell anyone .. what can you do .. only to cry your heart out .. without being seen, without being heard .. leaving no traces of misery in your eyes ..

i need a hug

i feel like i need a hug today =( . i need some attention, is there nobody that would give me that? its a very simple thing to ask for, right? how come i am having a hard time receiving it? when will it be given to me? will there be someone out there that would gladly grant it to me? tell me please, tell me?

memory of a dream

you changed my life and you dont even know it
opened up my heart but you didnt even take it
can i see you, can i hear you, only in my dreams
dealing with pain by myself it seems

its the way your eyes look into mine, searching, reading me
hearing you whisper sweet nothings into my ears
seeing you secretly glancing at me
bearing a smile on your perfectly formed face
how your hair falls on your forehead and brushes it away

i like the way your glasses rests on your pretty nose
doing things as if we are all alone
listening to my nonsense talks & able to laugh
calling just to hear me speak on the other line, perhaps

being so attentive, making me feel that i am your world
telling me that life is beautiful, showing me everything is good
you fiddled with my hair, stroked my skin whenever
you dont even know how that made me feel, never

crouching, shutting my eyes and drowning myself into tears
sleeping night after night, aware that you will never be near
it breaks my heart feeling i cant have you, knowing i wont have you
feeling how i could have loved you

freed myself from whatever reminds me of you
get myself occupied and tried to forget who
showing a happy front, deceiving others
cause i know we will never be together

thats what i said, i cant go on like this
carrying always with me this thing
this thing you left was a memory of a dream

friendship & secrets

i read this last year, July 8, 2004.

A good thing about friendship is to know whom to confide a secret to
- Alessandro Manzoni

i hope everybody has one or better yet a bunch ü

sentiments

long before the internet got popular & this blog thing got unfolded, i wished there was a way that i could shout out and leave my thoughts, worries & rants behind without giving anybody else any burden. who do i bug with those things all the time? Him, the big guy. but dont want to add up to the list of people He always has to look after to, dont want to be one that He always has to hear from (unless those are thank yous & praises). Now that this exist, could say anything about everything, could say oh so so many nonsense things and nobody would notice, could put favorites & hates for whom everybody could see. this is the beginning ...